remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
No I am not eating basil off your cock
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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