I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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