You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
