Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
