I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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