Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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