i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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