after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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