Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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