I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
