if you like me you must not know who I am
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
