you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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