i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
