god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We have started to decorate penises.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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