I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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