I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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