sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
