R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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