she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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