I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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