I'm drive I can fine osifer
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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