put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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