Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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