Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
