mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
