u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
