his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
