Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
