Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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