I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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