Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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