I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
