Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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