Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
