I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
