My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
