I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
