we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
bring money and cleavage
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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