Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
