And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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