did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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