You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
