Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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