i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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