this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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