I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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