Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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