You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize