Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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