At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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